when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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