my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
