Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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