hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Randomize
