she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize