when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Please, let me fuck your mom
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
