Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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