i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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