I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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