Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
