SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
