Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
