nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
