Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
