I am puke
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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