Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
