He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
