Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
