so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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