I feel great
I just peed on a car
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
