how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
