I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize