Umm I'm too high to move.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
