something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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