The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
