okay pat passed out under dana's car
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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