I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
