I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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