ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Damn victory sex feels great
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
