when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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