when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
is it fun? or sober?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
