im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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