He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
