i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize