we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
