He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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