Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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