Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
