??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
