Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
