Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize