I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm having to shit out rocks
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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