when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
