I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
