Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Randomize
