Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize