Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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