I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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