I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
