So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I need to calm my uterus...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
