Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
