My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I'm really busy with my period
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