So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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