how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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