NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
