She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
