Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
