i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
