listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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