omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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