Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
