did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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