My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Drake has all the answers
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize