saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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