There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
