I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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