he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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