I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
