i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
