then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
