I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
