i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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