im having a threesome with these popsicles
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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