i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
