I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
