I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I need to calm my uterus...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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