woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize