It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
