what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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