Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I FOUND THE LEGS
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
there is glitter all over my balls
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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