If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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