But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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