I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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