I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
