I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
