Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
