my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
