She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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