Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
