So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize