I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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