not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
