Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
