Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
