what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
