I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize