Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
