Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
