I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
