I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
