if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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