Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize