$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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