Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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