I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
